


heartbeats.

by hiddenclawsof



Series: #hyunlixcloud [7]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Heartbeats, Hugs, Hwang Hyunjin is a Mess, Lee Felix is Whipped (Stray Kids), M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Minsung, Mutual Pining, Pentagon as additional characters, Soulmates, minsung - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:15:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27565861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddenclawsof/pseuds/hiddenclawsof
Summary: Soulmates are known to be the one that is connected to you despite all your differences. One whose heartbeat you’ll hear when you place your fingers over their wrist and look deadpan straight to their eyes. One who’s justirreplaceable, impeccable,and almostimpossible. It seems too magical for Felix to completely believe, but not too bad for Felix to completely dismiss.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin & Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Series: #hyunlixcloud [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942687
Comments: 14
Kudos: 102





	heartbeats.

**Author's Note:**

> already edited! **01.08.2020**
> 
> enjoy! :)

To whoever out there told Hyunjin that soulmates will show themselves up by the age of  _ nineteen,  _ Felix would like to have a conversation with you. It’s not that Felix doesn’t want to believe in soulmates, he just doesn’t want Hyunjin to be so caught up in the idea of having a soulmate, waiting for that soulmate to come and direct his eyes over anyone that passes them just to try and link their eyes, touch their wrists just to hear any sound of heartbeats-- no,  _ please _ , just anything but that.

When Hyunjin invited Felix and their other friends Chan, Minho and Jisung to his house to celebrate for his nineteenth birthday, Hyunjin really had to stare at their eyes and touch their wrists  _ waiting  _ for that certain indication that the person his hands are wrapped around, would be his soulmate, but to no avail, they weren’t. Chan isn’t his soulmate because Chan is years older than him so he is already  _ qualified  _ to be somebody’s soulmate and there was no sound, and Minho isn’t too because Hyunjin doesn’t think he’d like it if Minho would be his soulmate. Minho would be so merciless,  _ mean _ \-- okay maybe not mean, but  _ too  _ real and  _ sassy _ that Hyunjin’s dramatics wouldn’t be useful, and of course, no sound.

There was nothing with Jisung too. Jisung cheekily smiled as Hyunjin prayed to heavens that Jisung would at least  _ be  _ his soulmate and watched Hyunjin mutter something under his breath, only to reply with, “See? I told you. I am  _ not  _ your soulmate,” which Hyunjin rolled his eyes for. If it wasn’t Chan nor was it Minho or Jisung, then what makes his friends  _ not  _ his soulmate? Was it because of Jisung’s age?  _ Maybe  _ it was because of Jisung’s age-- “Ji, you have to let me hold your hand again when you turn nineteen,” Hyunjin was too firm of his decision for Jisung to protest so he only shrugged his shoulders at Hyunjin and pointed at Felix whose eyes are closed with his head lying on the couch.

Felix was _too_ tired of Hyunjin’s shenanigans. Felix had to bear with Hyunjin’s theatrics and journey to look for his soulmate and honestly, it didn’t benefit Felix at all. He was always pulled by Hyunjin to wherever, whenever he wanted to and whatever it was that _he_ wanted to do. But here’s Felix, letting his friend, albeit closest friend, to drag him around. Felix was just not hung up over this idea of having someone that is meant for you, and for you only. He doesn’t dislike it, he’s just being _real_. What are the chances of meeting your soulmate if there are millions of people living, breathing and looking for their _own_ soulmates under the same sky, stars and moon?

_ Really _ , what are the  _ odds _ ?

Hyunjin propped his legs around Felix’s knees and pulled Felix’s hand from his face. First of all, Hyunjin  _ knew  _ Felix isn’t his soulmate because they’re  _ close  _ friends. They’d feel it, they’d  _ know  _ it because they’re together.  _ Always  _ together. There is no reason for their relationship to change. Nothing at all. So when Felix felt Hyunjin’s hand around his own, Felix just grumbled a low disinterest and eyed Hyunjin with his bored gaze, “Seriously Jin, we are always together, what makes you think that I  _ am  _ your soulmate?” Felix would be lying if what he said hadn’t hurt him, but life is just a series of lies, so a liar, he is. 

“I know that. But what if the pairs of the soulmates are just waiting for each other to become  _ nineteen _ ? What if we’re just waiting for  _ you  _ to add one more year to your age?”

Well, here is the thing. The concept of having a soulmate never speaks to his heart because of so  _ many  _ things, and the fact that their other friends, Chan who’s twenty-one, Minho who’s twenty and Jisung who’s eighteen just giggled at Hyunjin’s enthusiast, forced Felix to acknowledge Hyunjin’s determination and finally looked at his glinting eyes and perking smile. If Hyunjin isn’t his soulmate, which he  _ knows  _ he isn’t, then the least that he could do for Hyunjin is to anticipate his birthday right after Jisung’s and watch Hyunjin lock himself in a room, weeping over men.

Felix allowed Hyunjin to hold both of his hands and raised his head to meet with Hyunjin’s head and eyes, “Do you hear my heartbeat  _ yet _ ?” Felix questioned, not giving any attention to the groan of their friends and focused on Hyunjin. Slowly, Hyunjin’s face contorted to sadness, but immediately brightened up when he realized how long he should still wait to try and test the waters of Jisung and Felix being his  _ long-awaited  _ soulmate, “Please, just let it  _ be  _ you,” Hyunjin once again prayed. 

Felix is a natural-born english speaker, but even if he can speak english, that doesn’t always mean that he is as equally good in its form agreements. So when Hyunjin said the word ‘you’, he immediately thought that Hyunjin implied him and Jisung to be either of his soulmates.

━━

Few months had passed and Felix dreaded the day where Jisung would finally show up to his house, flaunting his brand new cellphone he got as a gift from his parents and push him off the edge of his bed by telling him that being a day older than him is a huge gap and matters like their life is at stake. So when Felix finally heard footsteps coming from the staircase, Felix just wanted to  _ escape  _ and sleep because it is a weekend. But Felix and the universe weren’t friends at all so by the time Felix had planted his face to the pillow, Jisung already kicked his door open and shouted his name at the top of his lungs, “Felix!”

Felix shouldn’t be named Felix at all because he  _ does  _ not radiate happiness. He’s radiating  _ hell _ . “I swear to my mom and dad’s name that if you won’t shut up about how you’re already learning multiplication while I’m stuck with subtraction and your brand new cell phone that costs so much to the point that you don’t really need it, I will kick the hell out of you using my black belter trained legs, do not try me Jisung--” Felix only stopped threatening when he finally felt Jisung’s hand on his back which was  _ surprising _ . Jisung didn’t shove it up to his face that his mother could’ve gone to labor at least 2 days earlier to be the one to do this to Jisung but has this cheery face that purred down at his drowsy ones.

“At least, you have a day left to finally  _ know  _ that you’re Hyunjin’s soulmate.”

Now, he really wanted to hit Jisung.

He’s  _ not  _ Hyunjin’s soulmate. How can he  _ be _ ?!

━━

Hyunjin always thought that Felix didn’t care about soulmates nor did Felix even care about looking for his soulmate. Not like Hyunjin questions that. But Hyunjin is just curious, why would Felix not like  _ him  _ to be his soulmate? Hyunjin knows he’s not that bad. He’s smart, he’s talented and very cheerful. A lot of people wanted to befriend him and a lot of men and women gushed over his beautiful looks. He has a lot of things that people wanted for themselves. So why would Felix not want him to be his soulmate? Did he do something wrong? Perhaps, did he  _ not  _ do anything, for Felix to dismiss him?

“I told you Hyunjin, it’s not that I don’t like you as my soulmate. It’s just that,  _ we’re  _ not,” Felix had managed to stay away from Hyunjin’s fingers that travels to his pulse and flap his arms like a fish at Hyunjin who’s currently hovering over him at the couch with knowing looks from their three friends and a smile from his mom. It didn’t even help him when his mom cooed the two of them for being so adorable.

Hyunjin only pouted and whined at Felix, “How can you say  _ so _ ? Did you meet your soulmate already?” Hyunjin was determined to know Felix’s reason. There’s got to be something there that stops Felix, that  _ scares  _ Felix from knowing that they’re potentially soulmates. There  _ must  _ be.

“Do I look like someone who already found his soulmate? For all I know, it can be a boy or a girl and I wouldn’t care.” Felix’s mouth was nonstop. It’s like a gun that fires the shots without thinking twice. It runs, miles per hour and hurts when it struck the person it was directed at, and here’s Hyunjin, hovering above Felix, receiving all the bullets of words from Felix’s mouth.

Maybe Felix  _ isn’t _ his soulmate.

Because soulmates don’t  _ hurt  _ each other.

“At least, let me  _ try _ ,” Hyunjin sounded desperate that it earned him a pitiful look from their friends. Chan almost wanted to stand up from his seat, curl up a lettuce and throw it to Felix and Minho just tapped Chan’s knees and Jisung’s back, “I just want to know if I should  _ give up _ .”

So in the end, Felix finally let Hyunjin touch his left wrist and looked at his eyes with intentions buried deep inside Hyunjin’s mind. Who knows what they are?

“So,” Jisung’s finally released his breath and tried to look at Hyunjin’s face who slumped over Felix’s side before pulling him up to finally sit back, “Did you  _ hear  _ something?”

Both of them knew what to answer. It was so clear, like the day during summers and clouds freeing the horizon. It was  _ so  _ clear.

They’re not soulmates.

Because their ears weren’t able to hear something other than their own heavy breathing.

“None.”

━━

Every time a new student enters their classroom, Hyunjin had developed the habit of running towards Felix, poking his side and nudging his chest using his elbows only to receive Felix’s grumbles and hand pushing him down to finally sit beside him, “Before you squeal over that guy, please take your laptop out and take down notes,” Felix warned him.

After getting to know that they are indeed  _ not _ soulmates, their friendship didn’t drift apart. In fact, it made them  _ closer _ than before. Although their other friends are really worried about what will happen to both of them, Hyunjin reassures them that it made  _ both  _ of them happy that they’re not soulmates because then, Hyunjin would get to have Felix as his best friend and a soulmate so he’s winning his life. Hyunjin seems to speak for both of them,  _ always _ , and Felix is not having  _ any  _ of that.

“But look at him, Lix. His undercut looks sexy, what was his name again?” Hyunjin didn’t pay attention to the professor that just walked inside their room and stared at the transfer student that sat 2 chairs in front of them.  _ Great _ , now Felix had to deal with Hyunjin’s gayness and soulmate hunting for 3 whole hours. 

“Hyunggu, Hyunjin. His name is Hyunggu. Now, please, stop staring at him and finally get your laptop from your bag or I’ll do it for you.” 

Hyunjin didn’t care. He didn’t even turn his head around to look at Felix. He just watched Hyunggu intently as Felix pulled out his gadget and opened it up for him, fully knowing the passcode to his account.

Who’s Hyunjin really, if it weren’t for Felix?

━━

“How come you two are  _ soulmates _ ?!” Felix heard Hyunjin exclaimed during their lunch time, inside the cafeteria full of students, wearing their casual clothes on and their ID laces hanging around their necks with full passion as Hyunjin accusingly pointed his finger at Minho and Jisung that were currently attached to each other by their hip bones.

They have been friends for so long that Felix cannot even remember the exact day that Jisung told him that Minho looked a little bit better than the day before, nor can he remember the times that Jisung smashed his keyboard, just to text non-coherent sentences to Felix that was translated by the Australian to be him professing his love for the older. It was shocking to know that inside their circle of friends comes two people who are a pair and are  _ actually  _ soulmates. Did they hear each other’s heartbeats when they touched their wrists? Did their eyes search for something other than their desires for each other? Felix  _ also  _ had these questions, but Hyunjin seems to have more.

“I am the one who’s longing for a soulmate and there you are,” Hyunjin looked at Jisung who’s munching over a sandwich with his left hand holding Minho’s hand over the table, “Getting your soulmate right before me. Do I  _ even  _ have one?” 

Chan offered his strawberry milk to the younger and raised his hand to flatten out the strands of his hair that was poking out, “You’ll get to have your time soon, Jin. Soulmates  _ do  _ come, but not always when you expected them to.”

Felix couldn’t agree more.

_ Again _ , the thing is, he’s not a soulmate-anti. Stop assuming that he is because he is far opposite from that. He believes in soulmates, just like Hyunjin, maybe not on the same level, but he does and that’s what matters. So if he said that he’s just longing for the same lover just like Hyunjin,  _ please  _ believe him because he really wants one, just like how his parents got each other. You see here, Felix is the product of soulmates that were successful. Sure, there were some that wouldn’t really ceasefire and just tear each other’s head off when they see eye to eye, but Felix always thought that the path of his parents would be just like his path in the future so he never rushed himself. He just believed that someday it’ll come and if it did, he’ll welcome it with open arms.

He still believes that.

But remember when he said that there is something about soulmates that rubs him off? It’s  _ this _ \-- why do you have to wait for someone to show up and tell you ‘hey I’m your soulmate, love me’? How do you expect someone random, stranger for some and new to just ask you to accept them for who they are because guess what, destiny tells you so?--  _ no,  _ that’s absurd. There shouldn’t be anything that tells you that this person is your soulmate because you decide for that, not the universe or whoever out there that created humans, not anyone, but  _ you, her, him _ ,  _ them _ . 

So call Felix whatever you want, just don’t call him a soulmate-anti because he is anything but  _ that _ .

“Hyunjin, this is not some sort of witchcraft. One day, we just looked at each other and heard  _ it _ . It’s that  _ one  _ thing that makes it all real and neither of us expected that, right?” Hyunjin nodded his head as he began to take notes inside his head, sorting out ideas after ideas to finally catch his soulmate. He can no longer watch himself be lovelife-less.  _ This  _ is not what he imagined his last year of being a teen to become.

━━

Hyunjin plopped his body down to Felix’s bed and rolled around like a burrito while whining about how he hated taking general courses. “I swear I am going to drop that math course if it wouldn’t cooperate with me!” Hyunjin wanted to tear his head off his body from being so desperate in getting a perfect score in their algebra class and because he is known to be dramatic and very,  _ very _ aggressive with his words, he really had to face Felix who’s removing his tie and opening up the buttons of his shirt, “Lix, I swear if you are going to make me feel good tonight, at least not in your school uniform. I’d think about it every time I see you in one.”

Felix’s forehead creased and his eyes slicked before realizing what was Hyunjin blabbering about. Getting his hand a pair of his sock inside his drawer, he aimed at Hyunjin and threw it, letting his face catch the cotton.

“You are  _ so  _ gross,” Felix made a face and continued unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it away from his body and finally changing into a more comfortable plain white shirt and slacks that they are required to wear at least twice a week.

Hyunjin giggled at Felix and invited Felix to a hug, “Come! Let’s cuddle!”

Despite the evident playful smirk on Hyunjin’s face, Felix who just rolled his eyes, eventually set himself in between Hyunjin’s arms and rested his head against the taller’s chest. Times like this makes Felix think about the seesaws he played with his other playmates back in Australia. The lingering breeze and warm rays of the sun touching his skin, and his mom calling him over for a bite of the apple pie she baked, it was just  _ too _ domestic to feel any pain. It’s home, like what people call it, but it’s Hyunjin, if Felix would call it.

It wasn’t their intention to grow  _ this  _ close. They were just two lads living almost beside each other if it weren’t for Jisung’s house in between them. Their interests do clash, but that’s what makes them interesting because one always lets the other win. They do not fight for hours longer than four and if they ever needed some time off for themselves, at least a  _ simple  _ greeting over texts such as ‘good morning, feed yourself, i wouldn’t want you to rot in your cave’ or ‘it’s lunch, i hope you choke’ would still be sent.

Hyunjin readjusted his position and pulled Felix up to let his chin rest on the top of Felix’s head and stared at the ceiling thinking about how their two close friends are in a relationship for 2 months now because of their accidental soulmate reveal. If luck didn’t like Felix before, then Hyunjin thinks that luck hated him as much.

“I really can’t believe how Minho-hyung and Jisung are soulmates. They’ve been together since high school and now that Minho-hyung only has a year left after this school year, I don’t think Jisung would be able to handle that. What if hyung falls out of love? What if Jisung  _ falls  _ out of--”

“Hey,” Felix stopped Hyunjin’s rambling by pushing his head deeper to his chest, listening to the beats of his heart, counting it inside his head, “So much for believing in soulmates and still thinks that someone  _ will  _ fall out of love.”

Hyunjin thought that Felix had a point-- Felix  _ always  _ had a point and that’s what makes Felix special to Hyunjin. Felix is the one that controls his emotion from getting overboard. It’s not Hyunjin’s fault that he is just as hopeless romantic, it’s the movies!  _ Please _ , blame the movies! Movies will show you that soulmates are full of happiness, like once they find each other, nothing else would matter because  _ well _ , you found your other half, stop being selfish for once. No matter what happens, soulmates will only bring you the goodness in life. No drama. No nothing. Just pure  _ everything _ .

“Well, movies don’t usually show that a character would fall out of love, but what if one of the soulmates falls out of love?” Hyunjin ran a hand on Felix’s hair and stared longer at the plain white plank to show him answers. He knew he was being desperate in finally seeing his soulmate, but it was the movies’ fault,  _ trust  _ him.

After counting a whole round of beats in a minute, Felix raised his head and looked at Hyunjin’s face that stared still above, “Then it’s  _ not  _ love at all.”

━━

Chan had pulled his friends to the corner of the second floor of their literature building to show a face that is unknown to all of them. Chan only smiled and pushed the man beside him forward to face the other four who’s just tilting their heads out of confusion, one desperately needed to read a journal for his next class and one out of the rush to run to his next class that will start in 5 minutes.

Felix knew what would happen next, and heaven knows how hard he wanted to run away from that place and hide from Hyunjin because he will probably whine again.

“Guys, this is Yuto.” 

That was the only statement that Hyunjin needed to hear from Chan before finally wrapping his arm around Felix’s shoulders and whining at his ear, “See, Lix! Even Chan-hyung got his soulmate before I did. I  _ swear  _ the universe must’ve really hated me,” Hyunjin exclaimed and tightened his arm around Felix. Felix heaved a sigh and just smiled at Yuto who’s looking confused at what’s happening, and before Felix can even reply something, Hyunjin already did it for him, “So Chan’s soulmate, how did you know that you are soulmates?”

No one told them that they’re soulmates because in reality, no one  _ should  _ and  _ can _ , but here’s Hyunjin, already assuming something that needs  _ not  _ to be assumed.

“We didn’t know that we were. We just hung out after a year and we just  _ heard  _ it,” Yuto explained despite the confusion planted on his face. Minho and Jisung greeted him before asking to be excused from the rest because Minho had classes to go to and Jisung had to read something for his next class. 

Felix didn’t stop his palm and finally pushed his forehead for the way Hyunjin is acting, and muttered an apology to Yuto. Yuto smiled, afterwhich bidding the two of them goodbyes to have a date with Chan. 

“Why do they keep on saying they just  _ heard  _ it? You are supposed to hear it right after you touch someone’s wrist!”

At this point, Felix is just tired. He doesn’t even have the energy anymore to move Hyunjin away from him and just walked from that spot with Hyunjin clinging on him, looking like a koala, with eyes prying on them. So to whoever it was that  _ told  _ Hyunjin how soulmates work,  _ please _ , just please, take consequences of your actions.

━━

Hyunjin have had this idea for quite some time and now that Chan recently found his soulmate and his other two friends  _ are  _ soulmates, Hyunjin just knew that he  _ had  _ to look for his soulmate. He’s not going to just sit around and wait for his soulmate to come because that may just  _ be  _ impossible to happen. So he had Felix inside his room, munching popcorn while  _ trying _ \-- stress on the word trying-- to watch a movie over listening to Hyunjin’s non-stop rambling mouth. But he noticed that Felix wasn’t even listening to him, how could he?

“You should listen to me, Lix!” Hyunjin threw a popcorn at Felix and tugged Felix’s wrist form holding the bowl, “You  _ never  _ listen, do you?”

Felix’s head snapped at Hyunjin’s direction. The movie’s noises sounded like a background and the moment Felix’s eyebrows furrowed, Hyunjin immediately shut up and lowered his head.

“I _never_ listened?” Felix stretched out his hand and let the bowl of popcorn go, setting it in between the laptop and the pillow. Felix bit his lip before returning his head back up to check Hyunjin’s reaction, “Okay, then. What is it?”

_ Wrong _ , Hyunjin. Very wrong.

It’s not that Felix never listened, he  _ actually  _ listened.

Hyunjin got his cheery-self back and began to babble, “I told you! I want to look for my soulmate and there is this forum I read earlier that says that my soulmate is someone that I already fancied over. Changgu confirmed that it was how he was able to meet his soulmate, Yanan!”

If Felix didn’t hear anything dumber than what Hyunjin was telling him then slap him. Why would you believe a forum in looking for your soulmate? Moreso, who is Changgu and Yanan? Why did Hyunjin keep on including people he doesn’t know in their conversations? 

Hyunjin could feel Felix’s irritation and crawled to Felix’s side, laying down beside him and catching Felix’s wrist inside his very own long fingers. He felt Felix’s pulse, it wasn’t that hard to feel his pulse anyway since Felix’s wrist was small. Felix didn’t fight him off and just let the taller play with his hand like  _ his  _ own. How can Felix stay mad at Hyunjin if he’s right there, looking adorable as ever, measuring  _ nine  _ centimeters taller than him but looks tiny as hell acting like that?  _ How _ ? 

“Yanan and Changgu are my friends in history class, plus I know what you’re thinking. ‘It is a forum, Hyunjin! What are you talking about?’ and all that, but I really want to meet my soulmate.”

Of course Felix knew that Hyunjin wanted to meet his soulmate. Who doesn't, _right_? But can’t this wait a little bit longer? Just a _little bit_ more. Felix only needed that much.

Felix felt Hyunjin’s finger press against his wrist for the second time, “I can feel your heartbeat here.”

They said that touch is the most developed sense out of the five because an infant depends on touch most of the time. They said that touch expresses so much of the hidden emotions and speaks more than the words can do, hence the expression ‘actions speak louder than words’. Felix believed that. Touching someone is really incredible. The warmth and the different sensitivity a person has really got Felix wondering why do soulmates get to know each other by hearing-- the sense that is the easiest to destroy-- and not by touching? Why do finding soulmates need to have a time limit? Why does it need to be rushed?

Why can his pulse be felt by Hyunjin and not hear it?

_ Why _ ?

“And what is your plan?” Felix didn’t mean to ask, but it seems right to ask. What more can he respond to Hyunjin’s statement anyway?

“I can only think of Changbin, Jeongin and Seungmin as the guys I fancied over. I think I am going to see them one by one right after my  _ twentieth  _ birthday. Would that be a good idea?”

Felix shouldn’t agree, but his head moves on its own accord. He nodded.

━━

It was Hyunjin’s  _ twentieth  _ birthday and like the usual, he dragged his friends and their soulmates inside his room just to feed them pasta, fried chicken, bottles of beer and lull them to sleep by talking about his soulmate hunting. None of them were listening to any of Hyunjin’s shit, but it’s his birthday so they at least  _ try  _ to look like they were listening. None of them paid enough attention to actually process who Changbin, Jeongin and Seungmin were. All they ever know is that the beer that Hyunjin offered to them was no good and it didn’t give them a hangover.

Minho grumbled as he pulled Jisung to his chest. Looking over at Chan and Yuto who were looking at each other as if they’re talking using their eyes, Minho then grumbled a little bit louder to get the couple’s and Felix’s attention. Felix, who's just minding his own business counting the number of femurs spat out at the foil, also turned around and looked at Minho, “We are adults Hyunjin, can’t we get something better than this?” He said, pointing at the remnants of the long-forgotten yeast and wheat.

Hyunjin, dramatically held his chest and acted, “So you’re telling me to go out and buy you something strong?” If Hyunjin can get even more dramatic than this, then the next few moments would be the witness to that.

And you know Felix, he’s never wrong with anything about Hyunjin. Praise those who listen to his wishes because Hyunjin would  _ definitely  _ ask him to stand up, pull him to the door and drag him to the nearest convenience store. Addition to that is his neverending plan of looking for his soulmate.

So who among Changbin, Seungmin and Jeongin is Hyunjin’s soulmate? Did Felix even care to know?

“Lixie—“ Felix already stood up and did what he just expected to happen. He dragged Hyunjin out as he struggled to breathe in the smell of fermented yeast from Hyunjin’s mouth.

“Here is an idea Hyunjin. On your next birthday, please let’s just go to a club or a bar. I wouldn’t want to drag you here and there to try and satisfy your guests.”

Hyunjin knew Felix was getting tired of  _ him _ , but Felix never complained so he really  _ admired  _ Felix for that. “You are such a good friend to me—“ But Felix didn’t want to be just a  _ friend  _ to him, can’t Hyunjin see that?

━━

Felix greeted Hyunjin’s mom and kissed her cheek before she dismissed him to finally run up to Hyunjin’s room and see the way Hyunjin bore his eyes at his laptop looking for boys after boys. Once Felix’s presence was acknowledged by Hyunjin, he immediately patted the space beside him and waited for Felix to finally be on his chest and look at the same screen that Hyunjin was looking at.

Felix was wearing his pajamas and looked like he just woke up. Hyunjin was to blame for that. Other than that, Felix had nothing to offer to Hyunjin but his mean face, heavy body and legs to tangle with Hyunjin’s long limbs, in desperate need of someone to cling on.

“It’s six in the morning Jin, what’s so important about this?” Felix lazily mumbled and snuggled closer to Hyunjin’s body, using his warmth and smell to get back to his drowsy state and finally sleep. Hyunjin didn’t bulge, but his right arm stretched far and moved ever so often that left Felix with no choice but to look. 

Hyunjin was scrolling through Changbin’s instagram feed. Despite the dullness of the feed, Hyunjin seemed to enjoy it better than the two of them and chuckled slightly, pointing at a certain photo of Changbin wearing a pink shirt.

“Look! He looked so cute with this pink shirt!” Felix only rolled his eyes. Of course, what else would he be here for? To look for Hyunjn’s soulmate! Like it wasn’t emphasized enough.

“I don’t see what makes him your soulmate with just  _ you  _ staring at his pictures, really.” Felix didn’t want to sound mean, bitter and agitated, but  _ damn  _ that soulmate hunting for life. He didn’t sign up for this. Can’t he get a refund?

“Yes, I know that. But we will be meeting each other tomorrow and you  _ have  _ to be there as I meet my potential partner!”

Why did Felix get to have Hyunjin as his friend? Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Felix who’s going to watch Hyunjin look at other men's eyes,  _ touch  _ their wrists and give subtle smiles? So much for destiny and all that shit— the universe just wanted Felix to suffer.

Maybe his destiny was to writhe.

But it was Hyunjin who’s asking him.

Who is he to say no?

“I don’t know what my presence could offer you as you have your date, but do I really have to be there?” 

“I’d love to see you while I disappoint myself looking for my soulmate.”

Felix wanted this day to end. Please, just  _ end  _ this day and let it be tomorrow instead.

━━

“How did you even get a date with Changbin when you told me that he’s not even interested in you before?” Felix pushed in his seatbelt and fixed the rearview of his car before looking at Hyunjin who dolled himself up with a checkered cardigan, slim black pants and white shirt. His hair was tied up in a half ponytail, two sets of fringes dangling upon his forehead and his lips topped with a cherry lip balm.

Now is not the time to ask Felix as to how he knows it was cherry.

Felix started the engine and began to drive on a sunday morning just as the sun rose up, busying the streets of the city away from their village. “Am I even going to the right direction?” Felix nudged at Hyunjin and Hyunjin just rested his hand against Felix’s knees. At this point,  _ everything  _ was just pure suffering. Not only is he permitted to watch Hyunjin fantasize over some men, he also gets to see how beautiful Hyunjin wanted to look for the said men.

“Changbin just said yes to my request to hang out with him. I said no strings attached, I just want to catch up to his music and— _ gosh Lix, turn right—  _ he said okay. It’s not like he hated me before, he’s just not a men-lover that time _ —just stay at the left side of the road, please— _ and I don’t know if he is right now, but he  _ should  _ be if I am his soulmate. I’ll make sure he is,— _ Lix, there, there! On your left, that’s the cafe— _ my soulmate and I should be together by now.”

Felix stopped the engine and waited for Hyunjin to get out of the cramped car. He just stared at his figure and did not move an inch, only planning to stay inside the car and wait for the results. Hyunjin can’t seriously  _ expect  _ him to be inside the cafe, like Hyunjin, and watch them,  _ right? _

Of course,  _ not.  _ Just like Felix said, the universe really wanted him to suffer and Hyunjin was the primary person who’ll do just that for him.

“Lix, come on, you’re coming with me,” Hyunjin waved his arm at the window and caught Felix’s attention, looking very displeased with the situation. Hyunjin’s bottom lip was caught in between his teeth and a part of his fringe fell down to his eyelids, making him look a little bit brighter than the sun rising right behind his head. Felix  _ cursed _ under his breath. “Please,  _ come  _ with me.”

Felix couldn’t do anything but leave his seat and stand up proudly as Hyunjin attaches his arms around his waist, hugging him. If it was noon, people would probably flock the area and see Felix turning into a red mess and Hyunjin looking like _that_. They’d also see how Felix was underdressed with his oversized black shirt and black jogger pants and white converse when compared to Hyunjin who dressed up for this _very_ exciting day. More than that, what they’ll notice amidst the heat crawling up Felix’s skin was the way his eyes looked far longer and sadder at Hyunjin’s eyes as Hyunjin’s gaze darted at the entrance of the cafe, excited to know if his soulmate was finally there.

The bell above the glass door shook Felix’s unbreakable trance and watched Hyunjin turn his head all over, trying to spot a Changbin. Felix knew who Changbin was. Changbin was a very known music DJ back in their high school and he’s constantly followed by girls and boys around trying to get their lucks in getting his number. Felix didn’t like Changbin nor did he dislike him, he was just neutral about him, but whenever Hyunjin points out how Changbin looks so good while scratching the disk, Felix  _ may  _ have hated him for quite some time. Nonetheless, everything was good.

Changbin raised his arm and waved at Hyunjin that made Hyunjin pace up to the corner of the room and sit right in front of Changbin, leaving Felix to stare at Hyunjin.  _ Great! _ So where is he supposed to go now?

He remained unnoticed, standing under the bell above the door, baristas waiting for him to finally come inside and finally letting the door shut in front of him.  _ How sad _ . Felix should know by now that he’s not Hyunjin’s soulmate. The odds weren’t even on his side since the day he realized  _ what  _ was happening with soulmates, so how can he expect himself to be a priority when a whole Changbin was there, in front of Hyunjin, looking the best that he can be, with a Hyunjin desperately trying to hold his wrist just to wriggle a sound that all hopeless romantics are trying to hear.

It  _ shouldn’t  _ hurt him.

But it’s sometimes okay to accept and acknowledge that he, too, can be hurt.

It took him moments to finally move. A customer asking to be excused as he moved a little farther to his right, tilting his head to get a better view of Hyunjin and Changbin. It felt bad while it lasted, but a little bit worse when it ended. Hyunjin walked up to him with a face that Felix can never interpret.

━━

“Why are you requesting for my wrist?” Changbin had asked Hyunjin, shocked from the way Hyunjin spurted out a statement that  _ none  _ of them expected. Changbin was feeling a bit sketchy when Hyunjin randomly slided in his messages and now that Hyunjin was asking for his hand, would there be anything stranger than that? “You  _ still  _ like me?”

First of all,  _ mean _ ! How can you talk to Hyunjin like that? Hyunjin felt his heart sink at the way Changbin was talking to him. Sure, he wasn’t the best person out there and not everyone will keep up with his bratty behavior and fall in love with his antics. He wasn’t that nice either and he’s quite selfish--  _ he knew _ . But being this unwanted by his potential soulmate made Hyunjin feel dejected. 

Secondly, how can he like someone who’s thinking so high of himself? Hyunjin resisted the urge to roll his eyes and just went to catch Changbin’s wrist inside his finger and stared at his eyes. If he heard something, then  _ thanks _ ! At least he knows he has a soulmate. But if he did not hear something,  _ thanks _ again! But this time with more sincerity because he wouldn’t want to spend his days with a person who’s rude. He just wanted a sweetheart! Not a fucktard!

A few seconds had passed and Hyunjin was already squinting hard to try and search for that low frequency sound. Staring deeply at Changbin’s cocky smile and eyes, a few seconds turned to some seconds and now a whole full minute. There was  _ none _ . Hyunjin let Changbin’s wrist off his fingers and shrugged his shoulders.

“I am glad that you’re not my soulmate because you’re so full of yourself. I don’t like you anymore and I’m lucky that I don’t,” Hyunjin stood up and turned around without bidding him a goodbye.

Changbin didn’t say anything and proceeded in drinking his coffee.

━━

Hyunjin blocked Felix’s view of the screen by doing theatrics, forcing Felix to finally look at him and pay him attention. It was tuesday night, two days right after the meeting with Changbin, and Hyunjin still couldn’t recover from the embarrassment he got from Changbin, and Felix had enough of Hyunjin’s complaints for two freaking days. He wakes up to Hyunjin’s texts of defamation against Changbin and he sleeps to Hyunjin’s calls of threatening to ruin Changbin’s instagram feed. 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but be petty. It’s just how it is.

He only wished for a good lovelife, a good experience with this soulmate hunting, but the world wasn’t cooperating with him either so at least give him a break and let him have his time.

“I swear Hyunjin, if you’re not going to stop I am not going to drive you to your next date,” Felix almost threw the controller at Hyunjin, but Hyunjin had to turn the screen off and push the off button of the console just so Felix can give him his full attention-- “ _ Jin! _ I haven’t saved my game yet!”

Hyunjin  _ did  _ it. He really did.

Felix furrowed his eyebrows and slumped over the floor as he threw the controller elsewhere. He can hear Hyunjin still ranting about Changbin and Felix didn’t want to listen anymore. He’s  _ too  _ tired of listening to Hyunjin.

“I just want to look for my soulmate! I just want to be happy--” That’s it. That’s the edge, the only thing that will make Felix snap at Hyunjin.

Felix pushed his body away from the floor and stood up, garnering enough courage to face Hyunjin without rolling his eyes away from him and held him still using his tiny hands. Hyunjin indeed stopped, but his mouth didn’t falter, rather it ran,  _ quicker  _ than it did earlier.

“Shut up. Please, let my ear listen to peace just for a few seconds, hmm?” Hyunjin knew that Felix’s voice was deep. Everyone who first meets Felix managed to point that out like it was the most surprising thing to ever happen with Felix when  _ there  _ are a lot more than that. But this time, when he felt that Felix wasn't having enough of his shits, he realized how  _ deep  _ it was and how it was supposed to sound scary but oddly sounding the complete opposite of that, “Okay  _ good _ . Not everything is about you. Not everything is about your love life and please, why do you even need a soulmate to be happy?”

It sucks to know that the person you thought who understands you the most is the first one to break your dreams and shatter your heart; the first person in your mind whenever you get something good, something to celebrate with. The first person that Hyunjin will never hesitate to call and share his day with-- it was  _ you _ , Felix.

Hyunjin was taller, but he felt smaller now that Felix held him down like that. He shrugged his shoulders and pushed Felix’s hands away from him, ready to bolt out of Felix’s room and never show up again, “Just because you don’t want to be happy, does it mean you can drag me down with you, Felix,” he said as he walked out of the room, leaving Felix no time to respond.

The night was awfully long, it’s just seven in the evening. How can Felix force himself to forget what had happened if there is no reason to just sleep his aching chest and wake up to mean messages from Hyunjin?

Maybe he fucked up, but maybe Hyunjin did too. They’re just two soulmates-less with their clashing opinions. Felix wonders how it would  _ even  _ work? Felix listened to the footsteps of Hyunjin fading and the small clatter of voices in the living room. It wasn’t anything that he wished to hear, when there can be  _ heartbeats  _ to be heard.

But they’re  _ not  _ soulmates.

━━

Chan sighed as he watched Felix and Hyunjin not look at each other at their usual lunch table. Jisung was pulled away from Minho by Hyunjin and Minho was pulled away by Felix from Jisung. Each clung on the  _ half  _ of the other and there’s Chan, trying to mediate the longest banter that the two have had. Unbeknownst to Hyunjin and Felix were the sly smirks of the other three friends watching.

“That is  _ just  _ a petty fight to begin with, apologize to each other,” Chan urged the two as his fingers pointed at places that they didn’t bother to look at. Chan really had to spend his break to try and reconcile the two, but the two wouldn’t cooperate. “I said apologize.”

Felix huffed his cheeks and turned his face away from Hyunjin and Hyunjin just portruded his tongue and rolled his eyes. They looked exactly like kids and Chan wasn’t having any of it. After propping the last piece of chicken nuggets in his mouth, Chan shifted his seat, pulled Minho and Jisung away from Felix and Hyunjin, leaving the two friends on the opposite side of the table with a wide gap between them.

“The thing is, Felix had a point, Hyunjin. You don’t need a soulmate to be happy. You can be happy with us,  _ with Felix _ \--” 

“But he’s not my soulmate.”

Did Felix hear his heart drop? Or did Minho feel Felix’s heart drop? Minho’s eyes quickly found Felix’s wavering eyes, and with the only just thing that he could think of, he reached his hand under the table and held Felix’s hand, caressing his tiny fingers. It only took a slight grip for Minho to know and finally realize, Felix  _ always  _ believed in soulmates, and he still does. But what he believes is far different from something that Hyunjin was believing--

“I know and you have a point there, Jin. But looking for your soulmate is never easy, I told you that before. It takes time and  _ someone. _ ”

\--because Felix desires Hyunjin to be his soulmate even if all of them knew that they weren’t and  _ wouldn’t be _ .

━━

So Jisung said that he has a great plan and because Chan and Minho are dumb, they listened to that great plan. The great plan is to lock Hyunjin and Felix inside Chan’s room because there is absolutely nothing to do there but to sleep on a bed that will accommodate two bodies together or just stare at each other and finally talk instead of going insane for being trapped inside the four corners of white walls.

Despite the noncoherent screaming of the two and the obvious kicks of Felix on Chan’s poor door, Jisung just smiled as he wiggled the key and circled it around his finger, muttering a small ‘success!’ before pushing it inside the pocket of his jeans. Chan wished to see his room clean, with no valuables shattered and Minho, on the other hand, wished to just have this day over so that he can finally type his book report. But he loves Jisung, so he stayed and waited for the unnecessary noise coming from Chan’s room to finally stop.

Hyunjin already knows how dramatic he was over this soulmate thing. If only someone didn’t tell him that it was how they get to know who their soulmates was then he wouldn’t be this one-sided over anything that is related to that. He also knows that he hurt Felix’s feelings, he was probably a jerk and of course, he knows as well that Felix didn’t deserve his crap.

But knowing and apologizing are two different things and he cannot identify its difference, “I said what I said, Felix!” He exclaimed to Felix who’s just looking around the room to calm his head from throbbing because his friends would definitely be his death if not, it’s probably just _ Hyunjin _ . 

Hyunjin watched Felix pay no attention to him. Now, he’s just going to be ignored? “I said, I said what I said, Felix!” He exclaimed once again, but this time louder, just to try and catch Felix’s attention who’s evidently ignoring his presence and most importantly, his drama. Hyunjin couldn’t take it anymore when Felix walked towards the bookshelf near Chan’s study table and now, furiously, paced up to Felix’s side, repeating what he said, “I said, I said, I said wha--”

“For Fuck’s sake Hyunjin, do I look deaf to you? And stop repeating that ‘I said’ phrase like your life depends on it. Yeah, you said what you said and if you’re not even sorry in the slightest then please do not worsen my headache, I am  _ trying  _ here.”

Hyunjin only pouted before registering what Felix told him. Felix noticed him! Again, Felix  _ noticed  _ him! His pout immediately perked up and his arms found the smaller’s waist. He laid his chin above Felix’s head and there was Felix, stiff as a stone, “You have a headache? Why didn’t you tell me?” Hyunjin’s voice vibrating on the entirety of his skull didn’t help either because his head did not just begin to pound, so with his chest.  _ Good job, Han Jisung _ .

“How can I tell you if you wished for my leg to be stuck inside a hole?” Felix tried to sound tough and touched Hyunjin’s arms that were encircled around his waist. Hyunjin chuckled above him and everything magically vanished.

You know, if he gets to hear Hyunjin laugh like this, be dramatic like this and  _ feel  _ Hyunjin like this, he’d rather not have a soulmate. He’ll be fine, looking at Hyunjin, watching Hyunjin, staring at him even if Hyunjin slowly drifts away. If it wasn’t meant to be, then he will not do anything to turn anything against that tide. He respects Hyunjin and Hyunjin needs just  _ that _ respect.

It was Felix’s fault, after all.

So please, Hyunjin, don’t say sorry. He wouldn’t like it if you did.

_ Please _ .

_ No _ .

“I’m sorry, Felix.”

━━

Felix really had to bring Hyunjin to his next potential soulmate. But this time, he’s not going to be left out because he will have a  _ huge  _ participation in determining whether Jeongin is his soulmate or not.  _ Huge, my ass _ . “Jeongin is not my fanboy, Hyunjin and if he is, that definitely would make him out of your soulmate list,” Felix warned Hyunjin but Hyunjin just skipped his way to the basketball court and looked for the point guard of the team named Yang Jeongin.

Felix wasn’t popular. He’s just  _ a  _ Felix that is why he seems to be close with most of the people that are popular in other people’s eyes. Although he wasn’t popular and just  _ a  _ Felix, he’s had ladies and lads ask for his number and ask him for a date. He may have accepted some and wrote his actual number on their hands, but Felix knew better than anyone that there is no use in engaging in useless and pointless relationships.

They weren’t Hyunjin.

By the time they reach the entrance of the court, the basketball players are on their breaks. Some are on the floor, some are gagging at the taste of their electrolytes-filled liquid and Jeongin was just wiping his sweat away when he noticed Felix’s presence and immediately ran to Felix with a bright smile. Now, Hyunjin is excited. If Jeongin is indeed his soulmate, then he gets to have free tickets for the basketball games!

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” Same question Jeongin, what is  _ he  _ doing here? As if he’ll answer with ‘I’m just looking for my friend’s soulmate, do you happen to be that person?’, so he just smiled as equally bright at Jeongin and pushed Hyunjin forward, stumbling a little to introduce him and be able to hold his hand. Well,  _ hopefully _ .

“We were just passing by and my friend here, Hyunjin, is a fan of yours,” Felix muttered, almost spilling out a laugh here and there but stopped when Hyunjin’s eyes darted to him, shocked at his sudden excuse. Felix patted his back and calmed him down.

What’s great about Jeongin is that he’s too cute, he looks like the rays of the sunshine and will never think of anyone negatively despite the unnatural stances of the two men in front of him and Hyunjin’s trembling smile, he beamed up at Felix’s remarks and shook hands with Hyunjin, “I’m Jeongin!”

Another  _ one  _ down.

Hyunjin was disappointed to not hear anything from Jeongin. Jeongin was already his ideal man. He already crushed over the younger when he first saw him but eventually subsided when Jeongin got close with Felix. They never got the chance to talk because Felix didn’t really care about bringing Jeongin to his and Hyunjin’s circle of friends. Hyunjin always thought that Jeongin was his fanboy, based on how Jeongin was always present whenever they had this dance performance. Hyunjin might be there, but they never really cross paths so maybe, by the time they cross paths, they’d be something more than Jeongin’s relationship with Felix.

But unfortunately, they weren’t.

Hyunjin tried to hide his long face and bid Jeongin goodbye as the coach finally called for their last practice. Felix felt Hyunjin’s disappointment to not even ask what just happened.

━━

Up to this day, Felix still had no idea who told Hyunjin that people would get to have their soulmates by touching wrists and looking at their eyes, waiting for the heart beats to be heard. Although he has always been curious of it, Felix never really got the right moment to ask Hyunjin about it without turning Hyunjin into a rambling mess about how soulmates are supposed to make you feel happy--  _ yada yada _ .

So when Hyunjin turned his body to face Felix’s back and wrapped his arms around his waist to cuddle, Felix  _ knew  _ it was the time to get an answer. Hyunjin was already sleepy during this friday night. Like their usual agenda of having sleepovers, cuddling on each other’s beds seems just right and just similar to their so-called ‘usual agenda’.

Felix gulped a bit of his saliva, trying to wet his already dried throat before whispering, testing if Hyunjin is even conscious, “Hey Jin.”

Hyunjin immediately responded even if his voice cracked from the prolonged silence. His eyes remained close as his head snuggled on Felix’s nape, sniffing the scent of his shampoo from his nape, “What’s up?”

There was nothing wrong with what Felix is going to ask and he mentally prepared himself for it anyway, but why is he feeling nervous?

“Who told you about how soulmates work?”

Felix felt Hyunjin’s breathing stabilized against his neck. Hyunjin’s lips lingering on his skin and if ever Hyunjin opened his mouth, his hot breath would meet Felix's exposed neck and run shivers down his body. It was their usual, something that they’re used to, but being  _ this  _ close to Hyunjin wasn’t something that Felix wanted to get used to.

Because one day, a soulmate would take his place.

“My mom,” Hyunjin tightened his embrace, letting their body heat be conducted to the either’s flesh. He was already sleepy and Felix’s scent doesn’t even help his body to finally lull into sleep, but Felix was asking a question and Felix deserves an answer, “She told me that when she touched my dad’s pulse, she can hear his heartbeat and when she looks at him, the sound of the beating heart, almost drum-like, filled her head. S _ he longs for that sound again, Lix _ .”

Felix wasn’t one to question others’ beliefs and principles. He respects each other’s differences and even their similarities. He just hummed a response and finally let Hyunjin doze off comfortably against him. 

The thing about soulmates is that you are supposed to only have one, and if your soulmate died, then you have nothing but yourself. Maybe Hyunjin just wanted to forget the painful memory and decided to escape. But his mom was  _ longing  _ for that sound because his dad already died.

━━

There was one more person to go and finally, Felix is going to see the end of this hunt. Whether they come empty-handed or with a soulmate for Hyunjin, Felix just wanted this to end because he doesn’t think he can last far longer than he expected. Hyunjin was already somehow excited to go to this mini-resto to finally see this young man, around their age, playing the guitar and singing love songs, named Seungmin. 

Hyunjin knew better than to like someone whose career is far from his. He’s majoring in dance and here he is, gawking over how someone can look so good while singing acoustic songs inside a dimmed room and a broken hearted audience. Hyunjin had been here multiple times.

For no  _ exact  _ reason.

He just loved the ambiance of the room, the welcoming chatter and the pub standing tall and proud on the farthest corner. There were no cigarette smokes to stay away from, nor there were hands that will harass his skin. It was just like a gathering with their tall mugs, clinking and spilling beers all over the floor.

Felix on the other hand felt like the place was an insult to him. Hyunjin really had to bring him to a place where he can cry in no less than five seconds, accompanied by Seungmin’s emotional voice and singing about unrequited love. If the universe didn’t love him enough before, now he’s sure, the universe would do anything just to see him suffer.

Felix never liked pain--  _ who  _ would like pain anyway? In a world where everything is already a mess and people are just creating much more havoc than the natural disasters, Felix wanted pain to be the last thing he’ll ever receive for his birthday or for his  _ overall  _ days.

But there goes Hyunjin, hurting him with a smile plastered on his face.

To pain, to suffer, is to equate it to something even better. A part of the people in his generation believes in karma because sometimes, it controls our desires. To want something bad to happen is to believe that something bad,  _ too _ , will happen to us.

But Felix will never wish Hyunjin any kind of misfortune.

He only wishes for his happiness.

So why would the universe give him pain instead?

“Felix, I’ll run to him and talk to him. Please  _ root  _ for me.”

Funny how Hyunjin asks Felix to root for him when all Felix has ever done was to root  _ everything  _ for Hyunjin.

Call him anything you want to call him. Just  _ not  _ a soulmate-anti. Because if he truly is an anti, then what is he doing here on the rotten stool, waiting for Hyunjin to finally go back to him and tell him about how Seungmin  _ isn’t  _ his soulmate and all that?

Felix knew he shouldn’t be doing this to the both of them.  _ Heck _ , he shouldn’t even be here, watching his love of his life talking to some man, asking them to be his forever.

But it’s his  _ soulma-- Hyunjin _ , right there.

Standing there. Hand hovering over some man’s, eyes staring, looking for something that his fingers couldn’t.

And when the clock strikes a minute, that’s when Felix realized, if universe hates him as much, then it is time to  _ fuck  _ the destiny up.

━━

They were both staring at the body of water that reflected the shine of the moonlight. The wind wasn’t warm nor was it cold, it was just enough to soothe  _ both  _ of their aching hearts and dangling feelings. It was midnight when they decided to get out of the car and finally breathe in a mouthful of air. It was also midnight when Felix had to tell his mom and dad that Hyunjin was with him so there is nothing to worry about. It was also midnight when Hyunjin decided to just pull Felix’s hand and wrap it inside his large one.

None of them talked about what happened in the resto. They were just talking about random things, like how Jisung would look at Minho before they even get to know that they’re soulmates and how Chan always tells the soulmates to just admit to each other that they’re in love. Their feelings weren’t subtle and all of them knew about it, but  _ Hyunjin  _ decided to take a blind eye on it.

“You know Lix, I kind of stopped hoping about this soulmate thing right before we even got to that resto,” Hyunjin said with a very calm voice. His hair wasn’t in half ponytail, it was just loose, shoulder-length and golden. His face didn’t have the usual smile and the usual quirks, his hand didn’t fit the same way it did before around Felix’s.

“Why?” 

“My mom introduced me to her new lover.”

Felix felt like his world shut down. Everything went dark and only Hyunjin’s head that was looking down at their clasped hands mattered. Hyunjin was the only one that was illuminated and none of the cars that passed by behind them and few people walking, chattering, mattered to them.

It’s just them.

“I believed in soulmates Lix, I  _ believed  _ them. I thought, maybe if I see Seungmin, touch his wrist and look into his eyes, I’ll hear it. But no. I did not hear anything.  _ Fuck.  _ I even heard feet shuffling but never for that  _ one thing _ I have been longing to hear,” Felix felt a tear drop to his forehand. Hyunjin was obviously sobbing and Felix can even see the way his teeth gritted his lower lip.

When Hyunjin’s dad died, Hyunjin’s life seemed so uncomplicated because he still went to school. He still hangs out with everyone. He seemed  _ okay _ and maybe, only Felix bugged him  _ so  _ hard that he eventually put off this brave image of him and cried. Hyunjin had always believed in soulmates because he doesn’t want to experience the grief his mother had experienced. He doesn’t want to  _ long  _ for the heartbeats, he wants to hear it whenever he wants to and wherever he goes. He just  _ needs  _ to.

He needs someone to  _ stay  _ there, accept him unconditionally even if he’s the most dramatic person to ever exist who cries over puppies being born and writes a whole two thousand word essay as to why his crush should date him. He needs someone to be his  _ other  _ half. The one that would shut up if he’s angry or the one who will make him shut up if the other is angry; the one that will contradict everything that he is but still makes him feel  _ perfect  _ for the way that he is.

Because everyone deserves it.

Everyone deserves a happy ending.

He cannot let his mom see him not have a happy ending.

Not when his mom’s happy ending already ended.

Felix wanted to pull Hyunjin out of his misery and take him in, caress his head the way that he should be cared for. He cannot stand Hyunjin looking like that, crying like that. He cannot stand Hyunjin  _ hurting  _ like that--

“And then my mom would come up to me and tell me, ‘hey I have another soulmate that isn’t your dad’. Do you really expect me to just laugh at that remark and acknowledge that my mom  _ heard  _ heartbeats from another man?”

\--he cannot  _ let  _ Hyunjin be like  _ that _ .

“Jin,” Felix whispered, hoping for his voice to reach Hyunjin’s running thoughts, “Listen to me,  _ please _ .”

There is just that one time where everything feels raw and new even if you’re with the person that you are always with from the very start. Something about that will make you want to feel it again as you chase its entity to the realms of the world because it can  _ no longer  _ be felt again the way it did during the first time. But that one time was something  _ irreplaceable _ ,  _ impeccable  _ and almost  _ impossible.  _

“You always ask me why I don’t believe in soulmates, right? You’re wrong about that. It’s not that I don’t believe in one, it’s just that, I  _ don’t  _ believe that  _ you’re  _ not the  _ one _ ,” Felix fingers detached themselves from Hyunjin’s grip and travelled over to Hyunjin’s wrist. His other hand wiped the tears away from Hyunjin’s face and now clutching Hyunjin’s chin between his palm and fingers, “Look at me.”

Hyunjin immediately looked up. He’s now staring at Felix’s orbs, ready to take him into a journey that he never thought he’ll be able to see from anybody else. His eyes were  _ too  _ much of a message, like they hit this entirety of his being and makes him feel things that he never thought he’ll feel from Felix. 

Hyunjin was silently wishing for Felix to be his soulmate  _ too _ . Only the stars knew how  _ hard  _ he was wishing for Felix to be his soulmate. But there was nothing  _ there _ . There was no heartbeat heard. 

And now that Felix was the one holding his wrist and looking deeply into his eyes, he was  _ still  _ longing for the same thing-- for the  _ same  _ heartbeat.

“My mom told me that to know who your soulmate is, you must first accept that you love each other.” Suddenly, Chan’s voice perked up inside Hyunjin’s head. Chan was always telling Minho and Jisung to acknowledge their feelings, was Chan right? “Then my dad told me that once you accepted that your other half did the same thing as you, you’d get to hear it.  _ The heartbeats,  _ Hyunjin.” but Hyunjin still cannot hear anything? Where  _ are  _ the heartbeats? 

“You do not have to hold each other’s wrist to hear the heartbeats, Hyunjin. You just have to feel it and listen to it. I have been listening to your heartbeat for a long time,” Felix looked down at Hyunjin’s chest, “And that already made me think that you’re my soulmate. I chose to listen to  _ your  _ heartbeat and not to anybody else. I chose you and I still keep on choosing you--”

“--because if it wasn’t you, Hyunjin, I wouldn’t want to have one at all.”

You know that  _ one time  _ that was talked about earlier? That  _ one time  _ was Hyunjin’s first time with Felix.

_ Thump.  _ Hyunjin definitely heard something. Was it his  _ own  _ heartbeat? Oh gosh-- Hyunjin feels like he is suffocating. Why did Felix have to look so beautiful all of a sudden? What did Hyunjin do to deserve this?  _ Thump _ . He swears, he is hearing something! Is he going insane? Why is Felix smiling? Why are his eyes glistening more than they ever did?  _ Thump _ . Hyunjin would cry,  _ please!  _ Stop joking with him!  _ Thump _ \-- “Did you hear  _ that  _ Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin nodded almost immediately. His leg bumped to Felix’s and his hair was just a mess over his head, “ _ It wasn’t your soulmate’s heartbeat that you’re going to hear. It’s yours. _ ”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i explained how soulmates work in this au clearly? to be a little bit more clear:
> 
> the _heartbeats_ the two people hear are not from the other just like what hyunjin had thought. it was their own heartbeats as they finally realize that they are in love with each other and wants to spend the rest of their years together. the wrist touching was unnecessary, together with the eyes linking. it just needed their intention, their feelings and emotion to hear the _heartbeats_ they were longing for.
> 
> thank you so much for reading! i love you all.
> 
> so who are you?  
> are you like felix that says fuck it to your own destiny because you pave it?  
> or are you like hyunjin who abides the flow and hopes for his happy ending?
> 
> -z
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/hiddenclawsof)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/hiddenclawsof)  
> 


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